Find Purpose for Your Loved One

Find Purpose for Your Loved One

00:00:07.430 –> 00:00:14.320
Erin Cahill: Welcome to CareSmartz360 on Air, a home care Podcast. I’m Erin Cahill, the account executive at Caresmartz.

00:00:14.390 –> 00:00:28.339
Erin Cahill: a renewed sense of purpose greatly and positively impacts the emotional and ren physical well-being of the elderly receiving in home care. It fosters a sense of control and autonomy, combating feelings of isolation and loneliness that can plague seniors

00:00:28.730 –> 00:00:44.089
Erin Cahill: engaging in meaningful activities, whether painting voluntarily or simply sharing stories with grandchildren whose self esteem and provides a sense of accomplishment. These factors combined positively impact mental well-being, leading to a more positive outlook and reducing anxiety.

00:00:44.590 –> 00:00:45.990
Erin Cahill: precise purpose.

00:00:46.120 –> 00:01:04.640
Erin Cahill: Besides, purpose can translate to physical benefits; the motivation to engage in purple’s full activities increases physical and mental activity. Potentially improving health outcomes. Studies have shown that engaging and mentally stimulating activities can help maintain cognitive function, while a structured and fulfilling day can contribute to better sleep patterns.

00:01:04.690 –> 00:01:22.670
Erin Cahill: Most importantly, purpose provides a sense of direction and strength during challenging times, fostering resilience in the face of health issues and other difficulties. So in just a few words, finding purpose is not just a feel good notion. It’s a key ingredient for a richer, healthier, and more fulfilling life for elderly individuals

00:01:22.930 –> 00:01:24.070
Erin Cahill: today. And

00:01:24.526 –> 00:01:33.709
Erin Cahill: Today we have Linda Burhans on the panel, who is the CEO of Connecting Caregivers which offers one on one and group coaching to caregivers and care delivery.

00:01:33.720 –> 00:01:36.409
Erin Cahill: Welcome to Caresmartz360 on Air, Linda.

00:01:36.580 –> 00:01:37.899
Linda: Thank you for having me.

00:01:38.770 –> 00:01:43.839
Erin Cahill: Can you elaborate on the link between purpose and cognitive function in older adults.

00:01:44.220 –> 00:01:53.289
Linda: Is just so important. You know, my caregivers come to my support groups and my workshops. So the radio show whatever. And they’re like, what can I do?

00:01:53.330 –> 00:02:02.900
Linda: What can I do? So? A couple of years ago, I remember, a woman came to this support group and she said, My mom just follows me around the house all day long.

00:02:03.150 –> 00:02:10.600
Linda: If she would just sit down for 2 h, it would be such a relief to me, so I asked, could I come? Meet her mom?

00:02:11.070 –> 00:02:14.670
Linda: I went and met her mom. Our mom was 93 years old.

00:02:14.810 –> 00:02:17.409
Linda: and she was a retired school teacher.

00:02:17.970 –> 00:02:24.509
Acer: So first we had a little chat about all the kids today, and the teachers don’t get paid enough.

00:02:24.950 –> 00:02:43.899
Linda: And then what we do now every Monday morning is, we give Mom a big piece of poster board and magazines, and we tell her that next week the children are going to learn about flowers. So we need you to cut all the flowers out of these magazines and glued them on this poster board, and you can’t have any white spots.

00:02:44.090 –> 00:02:47.910
Linda: and it takes her 2 HA day, 5 days a week to do it.

00:02:48.400 –> 00:02:51.599
Linda: Well, then, her daughter actually started bringing them to the school.

00:02:52.280 –> 00:02:56.499
Linda: and just told them what she was doing, and the children started sending. Thank you notes.

00:02:56.840 –> 00:03:08.660
Linda: So now every week she does this. It could be animals or food or flowers, and you know, with someone with Alzheimer’s and dementia. It could be flowers every week, and it would still be okay.

00:03:09.140 –> 00:03:18.459
Linda: But it gives her a purpose. And I think when we want to find a purpose for our loved one, we need to go back to what they did before.

00:03:19.790 –> 00:03:26.980
Linda: So, for instance, there was a woman that came to my support group for a while and her mom passed away

00:03:27.800 –> 00:03:33.780
Linda: and she came back to the group and she said, ever since my mom has passed away, my dad just sits in the chair.

00:03:33.920 –> 00:03:37.870
Linda: They were married for 48 years. They did everything together.

00:03:38.172 –> 00:03:43.750
Linda: I I don’t know what to do, Linda, she said. I I took them to the doctors. The doctor gave him an antidepressant.

00:03:43.940 –> 00:03:46.169
Linda: But I think he’s gonna die in that chair.

00:03:46.620 –> 00:03:51.040
Linda: said, what did your dad used to do when he was younger? What were some of his hobbies?

00:03:51.170 –> 00:03:54.749
Linda: Said one of the things he used to do is build these big model ships?

00:03:55.150 –> 00:04:00.089
Linda: And I said, Can he still do that? She said, His hands are a little bit arthritic?

00:04:00.250 –> 00:04:03.769
Linda: I said. Do you want to try an experiment, she said. Sure.

00:04:03.870 –> 00:04:06.219
Linda: I said. Go to the local craft store.

00:04:06.300 –> 00:04:17.750
Linda: They have wooden cars and boats like maybe 8 pieces to put together. Buy a dozen and ask your dad, could he paint them and put them together for a nursing school that really needs them?

00:04:18.810 –> 00:04:20.860
Linda: Well, before he passed away.

00:04:20.959 –> 00:04:25.370
Linda: He had done 86 dozen cars and boats.

00:04:25.690 –> 00:04:32.639
Linda: and sent them just every morning. He woke up with that purpose, and they sent them to Daycare, you know, Nursery Schools.

00:04:32.770 –> 00:04:39.160
Linda: And I said, Oh, my goodness, that must have gotten a little expensive doing all that, she said, guess what, Linda.

00:04:39.450 –> 00:04:42.850
Linda: It was cheaper than what I was paying for. The antidepressant.

00:04:44.230 –> 00:04:44.850
Erin Cahill: Ow.

00:04:45.550 –> 00:04:46.370
Linda: When, when.

00:04:47.790 –> 00:04:48.910
Erin Cahill: that’s amazing

00:04:49.830 –> 00:04:53.100
Linda: Yeah. And you know where the thing is. People always wanna help.

00:04:53.790 –> 00:05:02.179
Linda: They always want to help. So if you’re asking your loved one. This is going to be something to help someone else, you know. There was another woman who was a banker.

00:05:02.760 –> 00:05:08.879
Linda: So we give our big jar filled with coins every morning, and all the rolls to roll the coins.

00:05:09.240 –> 00:05:15.980
Linda: and she sits at the table during the day, and she rolls the coins, and then her daughter tells us she’s going to take it to the bank at night.

00:05:16.140 –> 00:05:21.980
Linda: And then when she goes to sleep, she starts over again, but it works.

00:05:22.320 –> 00:05:22.999
Erin Cahill: Catching up.

00:05:23.000 –> 00:05:25.009
Linda: Another woman with the seamstress.

00:05:25.320 –> 00:05:30.919
Linda: So we give her a big jar of buttons and all these little compartments, and ask her to sort them.

00:05:31.270 –> 00:05:39.130
Linda: So sometimes she sorts them by size, sometimes by color, but every now and then she picks up the one button, and she says her daughter.

00:05:39.220 –> 00:05:42.209
Linda: Just like the one on your communion dress.

00:05:43.020 –> 00:05:45.660
Linda: And then they sit down and have a conversation.

00:05:46.170 –> 00:05:47.630
Erin Cahill: Oh, wow, yeah.

00:05:47.860 –> 00:05:49.160
Erin Cahill: That’s really nice.

00:05:49.160 –> 00:05:51.290
Linda: So everybody wants to feel needed.

00:05:52.450 –> 00:05:54.190
Linda: Everybody wants to feel needed.

00:05:54.560 –> 00:06:03.769
Erin Cahill: And Linda. How can the concept of purpose be reframed to resonate with individuals who may not have traditionally viewed their life through that lens.

00:06:04.150 –> 00:06:14.690
Linda: Oh, I think we just have to listen to other people. Take on some advice. You know what happens many times when someone will come during the holidays, or whatever to visit grandma, whoever.

00:06:15.540 –> 00:06:17.940
Linda: And they don’t know what to talk about grammar.

00:06:18.250 –> 00:06:20.840
Linda: especially the condition that she’s in.

00:06:21.380 –> 00:06:27.209
Linda: But they want to, but they don’t know what to do. So I suggest Trigger is to make a memory box.

00:06:27.700 –> 00:06:42.147
Linda: So if your mom was born in Brooklyn, print out pitches of Brooklyn. If she was a Girl Scout leader, print out pitches of when she was a Girl Scout leader, and if you want to put her troop number on the back. 1410 was mine in case you have to know.

00:06:42.570 –> 00:06:49.099
Linda: But then someone can come into the room and pick up something out of the memory box, and I didn’t know you were a Girl Scout leader.

00:06:50.380 –> 00:06:50.720
Erin Cahill: Right.

00:06:50.720 –> 00:06:57.839
Linda: And first of all, they’re gonna learn things they really didn’t know. And second of all, they’re gonna be able to have some kind of meaningful conversation.

00:06:58.580 –> 00:07:00.140
Erin Cahill: Right? Yeah.

00:07:01.080 –> 00:07:07.719
Erin Cahill: What are the cultural or societal factors that can influence an individual’s ability to find purpose later in life?

00:07:08.610 –> 00:07:18.840
Linda: Well, I I think we make our own barriers. I don’t think there are any barriers. I think we have to find what works for all of them. What works for our family.

00:07:18.890 –> 00:07:23.630
Linda: So someone else, purpose or creating memories could be through cooking.

00:07:24.150 –> 00:07:26.760
Linda: Many families cook together.

00:07:26.780 –> 00:07:30.220
Linda: And they don’t do that anymore. Well, we can bring that back.

00:07:30.550 –> 00:07:41.690
Linda: Mom, you know. And I, we have to remember to. Who are we serving when we’re doing this? So if I’m making fruit salad, I can cut the fruit salad, probably up in 15 min.

00:07:41.870 –> 00:07:43.579
Linda: And Mom’s gonna help me.

00:07:43.830 –> 00:07:45.450
Linda: It might be an hour.

00:07:45.630 –> 00:07:47.229
Linda: But who am I serving?

00:07:48.580 –> 00:07:57.950
Linda: Let me take that hour? Because if I take everything away from Mom that she can do, because it’s easier for me, and then I go. Why is she sitting in the chair doing nothing?

00:07:58.060 –> 00:07:59.879
Linda: Well, you took everything away from her.

00:08:01.700 –> 00:08:03.450
Linda: Let her do what she can do.

00:08:03.730 –> 00:08:07.209
Linda: And then, if you let her do what she can do, maybe she can do a little bit more.

00:08:08.450 –> 00:08:09.260
Erin Cahill: Right.

00:08:09.610 –> 00:08:27.889
Linda: You know, it’s so important. So many times in our caregiving experience, we’re worried about taking the medication and going into the bathroom and going to the doctors. We just need to take the time to be with one another. We just need to take the time to sit with our loved one at their level, looking into their eyes and maybe holding their hand.

00:08:29.430 –> 00:08:30.440
Linda: Simple.

00:08:30.790 –> 00:08:32.020
Linda: So simple.

00:08:32.190 –> 00:08:36.870
Linda: You know, many people are fearful of this disease. There’s nothing to be afraid about.

00:08:37.340 –> 00:08:39.079
Linda: There’s nothing to be afraid about.

00:08:39.110 –> 00:08:44.040
Linda: We’re all human beings, we all have hearts, we all have love, we all have frustrations.

00:08:44.550 –> 00:08:48.119
Linda: but we need to acknowledge that for the caregiver

00:08:48.230 –> 00:08:50.670
Linda: and the person had taken care of both of them.

00:08:51.680 –> 00:08:53.940
Linda: Because many times we forget about the caregiver.

00:08:54.460 –> 00:08:55.090
Erin Cahill: Night.

00:08:55.280 –> 00:08:56.070
Erin Cahill: Oh.

00:08:56.610 –> 00:09:03.909
Erin Cahill: and how can caregivers and family members support elderly individuals in finding and pursuing purposeful activities.

00:09:04.250 –> 00:09:06.010
Linda: Okay. So, for instance.

00:09:06.520 –> 00:09:11.200
Acer: I was in a tough time a few years ago. I was waking up in the morning, angry, angry. Not good.

00:09:11.930 –> 00:09:16.319
Linda: So for 12 years now, every morning when I wake up I live on a lake.

00:09:16.330 –> 00:09:22.340
Linda: I go out on the dock in the morning and I walk my dog. I say my prayers. Say, tell me what to do today, because I don’t have a clue.

00:09:22.820 –> 00:09:30.119
Linda: and then I take a picture of a flower or the sunrise or a bird, and I post it on Facebook.

00:09:30.230 –> 00:09:35.489
Linda: said, Good morning, Seminole and I also separately texted 30 different people with a Bible verse.

00:09:35.740 –> 00:09:37.390
Linda: Anybody can do that.

00:09:37.420 –> 00:09:48.990
Linda: People say, Mom can’t do this. Mom can’t do that. Mom could go for a walk, or if Mom’s in a wheelchair, I can push Mom in the wheelchair. And everybody’s got a camera today because everybody has a phone.

00:09:50.570 –> 00:09:59.329
Linda: So if you can just take a little walk with Mom, get her outside and take some photos. How delightful that can be, and how easy that can be! And when

00:09:59.930 –> 00:10:04.879
Linda: when you so every morning I wake up looking for something beautiful, and I find it in 5 min. Hmm!

00:10:05.390 –> 00:10:11.990
Linda: When you go out on the walk you’ll find in 5 min, and all of a sudden, you’ll notice that one little yellow flower that’s coming out of the concrete.

00:10:12.190 –> 00:10:12.840
Erin Cahill: Hello!

00:10:12.840 –> 00:10:14.390
Linda: Because you’re paying attention

00:10:16.050 –> 00:10:17.020
Linda: right? So

00:10:17.290 –> 00:10:20.379
Linda: We have to work on the things we can do.

00:10:21.120 –> 00:10:27.239
Linda: I I had a elderly friend of mine. She was very depressed. Her son called me, said, I don’t know what to do.

00:10:27.570 –> 00:10:29.359
Linda: She just doesn’t know what to do.

00:10:29.930 –> 00:10:33.109
Linda: So I went to meet her. Her name was Bama Rose.

00:10:33.270 –> 00:10:42.700
Linda: And I said, Mama, I need some help from you if you can help me, I said. You know I get myself involved in all these projects, and I think I can do it all myself. And I really can’t.

00:10:42.750 –> 00:10:46.259
Linda: I said. Do you think you could make me because she’s the right poet?

00:10:46.520 –> 00:10:51.940
Linda: Do you think you could make make 12 greeting cards each week to send to some young men in the military

00:10:53.370 –> 00:10:54.410
Linda: a purpose?

00:10:54.580 –> 00:10:58.590
Linda: She got to write her poems. I met her once a week for 2 years.

00:10:59.070 –> 00:11:02.660
Linda: and she would give me the cards, and then we would send them to the military.

00:11:02.900 –> 00:11:03.580
Erin Cahill: Yeah.

00:11:03.750 –> 00:11:05.170
Erin Cahill: That’s really nice.

00:11:05.170 –> 00:11:07.380
Linda: Yeah, fabulous and easy.

00:11:07.700 –> 00:11:08.470
Erin Cahill: Ice.

00:11:08.620 –> 00:11:09.680
Linda: Very easy.

00:11:10.550 –> 00:11:11.110
Linda: Well.

00:11:11.110 –> 00:11:20.470
Erin Cahill: Thank you, Linda, for sharing those wonderful insights. I’m sure the audience got to learn a thing or 2, but helping their loved ones to find a purpose and help them have a better quality of life.

00:11:20.520 –> 00:11:26.160
Erin Cahill: And to you, my wonderful audience, thanks for tuning in until the next episode. This is Erin Cahill Signing off.

00:11:27.470 –> 00:11:29.759
Linda: Thanks for having me, and have a delicious day.

00:11:30.320 –> 00:11:31.450
Erin Cahill: Thank you so much, Linda.