Aging at Home vs. Moving Out: The Tug-of-War Between Seniors and Their Children

Aging at Home vs. Moving Out: The Tug-of-War Between Seniors and Their Children

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Carolina: Welcome to CareSmartz360 On Air, a Home Care Podcast. My name is Carolina Gonzaga, Sales Executive at Caresmartz. Today we’re addressing oh, a topic that

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Carolina: means a lot to me in my career and in my personal life, and it is the most one of the most emotionally charged topics that families face today in our space of health care, aging at home versus moving out the tug of war between seniors and their children joining us today is a true advocate in the field. We’ve got Ruth.

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Carolina: who is the president and owner of Synergy, home care of Southeast Wisconsin. This is an agency that started 15 years ago, and Ruth has dedicated her career to providing dignified quality care for individuals of all ages who need supportive home care. She’s passionate about empowering families, and she works tirelessly to educate her local community about the options and resources available.

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Carolina: Now, I do want to say that in your area of southeast Wisconsin she is featured on multiple times a week on

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Carolina: the morning blend, which is a morning show, where you can call in for advice whether you’re somebody experiencing health challenges, aging, or whether you’re somebody in a position of support. So we get a little taste of that today. In this conversation with Ruth, we will share her insights on balancing safety.

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Carolina: autonomy, navigating family dynamics, and making informed decisions that honor our elders’ wishes. So, stay tuned as we uncover practical strategies and heartfelt stories that illuminate the path

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Carolina: to aging with grace at home. Please welcome to the podcast again. Owner of synergy, home care, Ruth Busalacchi.

Session Starts Here:

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Carolina: So I’m so excited to welcome Ruth to the podcast welcome. Ruth, how are you doing today?

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Ruth Busalacchi : I’m doing well. Thanks for asking.

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Carolina: Yeah, I’m excited to have you. And when my team prep me on the topic today, aging at home versus moving out the tug of war between seniors and their children.

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Carolina: I got really excited. We talked a little bit before we started recording. So we have a similar background. Caregiver, senior, living into the home care space. But the motif, I think, throughout all of those experiences is truly the relationships.

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Carolina: and that tug of war that we sometimes support and help with families. So I’d love to start by for the audience to learn more about your journey to opening synergy home care, and and then we’ll kind of get into our topic after that.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Wonderful happy to share. So, as you mentioned, I started as a caregiver when I was in my early twenties, and really found that to be a great niche for me, and helped people of all backgrounds, people who were seniors, people who lived in nursing homes, apartment settings as well as folks with disabilities, adults with disabilities.

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Ruth Busalacchi: And then, along the years, as I was raising my family with my husband, I worked in group home settings

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Ruth Busalacchi: the same time. As my kids got a little bit older, I went back to college and finished up in in human resources and business management because I had a nice background, and I wanted it to balance.

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Ruth Busalacchi: And then for about 10 years I was opening and licensing adult family homes and community-based residential facilities group home, living

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Ruth Busalacchi: for a social service organization.

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Ruth Busalacchi: While I was doing that, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.

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Ruth Busalacchi: and, of course, as you know, being in this industry and understanding what the journey might look like for both my father and my mother. As a caregiver, I took on a role in my family of being sort of a case manager.

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Carolina: Yeah.

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Ruth Busalacchi: I would see things right that that my siblings didn’t necessarily see, because it wasn’t their training.

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Ruth Busalacchi: but they were subtle.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Maybe it was changes in my dad.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Maybe it was changes in my mother being a caregiver. Whatever I would see something change. I would kind of take a pause, and I would sit down with Mom and dad. And I would say, Okay, this is what I see.

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Ruth Busalacchi: and here are all your options.

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Ruth Busalacchi: And then it was, what do you want to do?

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Ruth Busalacchi: Did that for 8 years during my father’s journey with Parkinson’s disease? And I am convinced that because we got on top of things when they were proactive and got in more resources, brought in home care brought in other funding options for my parents, so that my father could stay at home. It did a couple of things 1st of all.

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Ruth Busalacchi: and most importantly, it gave my father dignity of choice

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Ruth Busalacchi: because he was not in a crisis. He wasn’t, you know, laying in a hospital bed and and social workers and other people telling him what to do. We were getting on it before it became a crisis.

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Ruth Busalacchi: And then the other thing it did is it allowed my mother to be

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Ruth Busalacchi: both a wife and a caregiver?

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Ruth Busalacchi: Right? Because we that so it really was after the passing of my father. And I thought, Boy.

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Ruth Busalacchi: catching those subtle changes, I could do that

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Ruth Busalacchi: for a living, and I could hire caregivers who thought like me, you know, and send them out there, and they become the experts, and they notify us. So that’s why I started my journey and my shift for the last half of my career to be a home, care provider, and help people find the options

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Ruth Busalacchi: and support them on their own journey.

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Carolina: I love that, and I wonder sometimes will not wonder, because we both have a background, you know, dealing with families and helping them throughout these transitions. But it makes me think of families that do not have that knowledgeable family member that rises up now, we all know, and it’s a it’s a generalization, but that there’s often hopefully, an adult daughter that will jump in and be that person and learn through her network.

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Carolina: you know. It’s funny, and maybe you can relate to this. Now I’m in my forties. My, my get togethers with my girlfriends are very different now. We are no longer talking about boys and all that. We’re all crying about our parents aging. So you know you read

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Carolina: understood.

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Carolina: So it’s it’s it’s where I’m so thankful, or I guess, grateful to families like ours. We do have that, and I’m sure your siblings appreciate it. But then I think your staff and yourself would be the ones to step in when there isn’t that that wealth of knowledge? And they don’t know what to look for the food in the fridge that’s been there all week, or

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Carolina: it’s in the garbage. Yeah.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Great and the face to face visit because even a phone call, you know you, you’re busy as as an adult. And you’re a sandwiched generation. Right? You’re taking care of your family. And you want to check on Mom. And and so you call. And how are things going? Fine?

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Carolina: Yes, want to complain right and right. And do you find as well that your caregivers so?

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Carolina: And I just think about sometimes the conversations that I have with my parents, and my husband remarks, because his parents live far away. So their conversations are different. They’re a little bit more in depth with me. It’s like 5 calls a day, but it’s high by, and so do you find that when you’re choosing caregivers, for for example, or even the the wealth of staff that you have in the office that wear many hats?

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Carolina: Do you find that you’re looking for a certain sensibility and and the type of personality that may allow somebody to open up to them a little more than maybe their own adult children.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Absolutely. When we hire, we intentionally hire people of all different background.

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Ruth Busalacchi: We want the young right out of college or right in college all the way up to someone who is retired or even semi-retired, because people with experience, people with no experience, you know, good cooks, people who like to exercise. We do that on purpose because our goal is to match.

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Ruth Busalacchi: We want to understand what your strengths are as a caregiver, because then we want to match you up with the care and supervision that that individual needs.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Not. Everybody wants a certified nursing assistant. They don’t need a certified nursing assistant. They might need a companion, you know. So it’s so important that we get to know what the our potential caregivers passions are and understand the vulnerability

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Ruth Busalacchi: of someone who needs help.

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Carolina: Absolutely, and also going into the home for sure is very vulnerable if you think about it like.

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Carolina: yeah, to let someone into your home. That’s a big deal. And do you find that you’ve had to have flexibility? So when you’re, you know, creating those relationships with your clients and their families. Is there a part of it where you do need to sometimes make a change just because of the dynamic? You see.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Absolutely, you know, the one thing I find is occasionally families. Adult children will try to hire privately and manage it on their own.

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Ruth Busalacchi: and I always say to them, there is a reason

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Ruth Busalacchi: that we have 2 to 3 people in our office every day managing those schedules because it’s a job.

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Ruth Busalacchi: It is a job, you know. Caregivers lives even the well, most well-meaning caregiver. Their lives change. They have situations that come up, and so we have to manage that, or maybe they’re not the right fit, after all, maybe, and we always encourage our families. If it just doesn’t feel right, please call us sooner than later.

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Ruth Busalacchi: We’ll take care of the caregiver on that end, you know. We’ll we’ll reassign the caregiver to someone else, and they won’t be hurt. Their feelings won’t be hurt, but it’s more important that your mother or your father or your husband feels comfortable in their own home.

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Carolina: Yeah, absolutely. You mentioned earlier as well that you have a lot of experience, not only with seniors, but also with, you know, adult disabilities. So

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Carolina: what would you say is the biggest difference if you could describe it, of those types of dynamics and relationships with the family.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, you know, I think

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Ruth Busalacchi: most of the individuals that we care for are adults. Even with disabilities. We do have some children that also have disabilities. And we when we interview our caregivers, we want to see if they have experience working with someone with a disability. It is slightly different. I think the goals to maintain independence

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Ruth Busalacchi: are with our seniors. The goals to learn skills may be with our adults or children, with disabilities, right?

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Ruth Busalacchi: Everybody, though, however, and we have. I have a mission statement because I feel so strongly in this, and that is to treat each person with dignity and their unique journey, you know. So we want people to know whoever you’re working with don’t have pity for them.

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Carolina: Yeah, have appreciation of who they are of what they’re bringing to the table. And that goes both ways with our seniors as well as our folks with disabilities.

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Carolina: Yeah, absolutely. So. Your agency has been around for 10 years, and I know you’ve probably seen 15 years. Oh, my goodness.

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Ruth Busalacchi: 2010.

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Carolina: Yeah, that’s how time flies when you’re having fun.

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Ruth Busalacchi: That’s right.

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Carolina: As we kind of dig deeper into that tug of war scenario. So how do you generally evaluate? You know? Let’s use seniors for this example, physical, cognitive, emotional readiness to either remain in home or to relocate when families might be looking for advice. Or maybe they

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Carolina: aren’t looking for advice. But you’re trying to evaluate or guide them as they might come to assumptions so physical, cognitive, emotional readiness in a senior for staying at home or or transitioning to to a new environment.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, absolutely. That’s where I go back to my old world of opening and licensing group homes. I used to open up Afh adult family homes and community-based residential facilities. What you’re really looking at

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Ruth Busalacchi: is care and supervision.

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Ruth Busalacchi: It comes down to what kind of care does the person need if they need it, and what level of supervision if they need it? And it’s all about

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Ruth Busalacchi: exiting a home in the event of an emergency?

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Ruth Busalacchi: Do they understand what an emergency would be? Do they have the cognitive ability to understand what an emergency would be? And can they physically leave

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Ruth Busalacchi: in the event of an emergency or a fire. So it’s kind of always I always look back to. It’s really simply based on fire emergencies. Right? You can look at that in a hospital. They have a plan based on a fire, and how they would evacuate everybody. So it comes down to kind of that simple

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Ruth Busalacchi: understanding of what we’re looking at, and that’s how we learn about the individual. We sit down with the family. There’s no charge for that meeting, and it’s just to sit down and understand

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Ruth Busalacchi: the person where they’re at in the moment, and what kind of natural supports they already have.

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Ruth Busalacchi: And then we can say, here’s how our services could fit

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Ruth Busalacchi: in the current mix. Does that make sense.

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Carolina: Yeah, it really does. And I shared with you in our call, prior, that you know my parents are in a situation where they’ve begun. My mother has begun to decline, and when there’s been an emergency I’m the one that I’m gonna admit it now overreacts. I’m like, oh, you can’t live on your own, because when there’s an emergency like just happened, I’ve had to drive in the middle of the night, and I have a young child.

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Carolina: and I’m thinking that that actual description helps a lot because there may be a stressful situation. It’s an ebb and flow of a dynamic of of decline. But it’s also not a straight line down, so there could be moments of improvement. Or maybe they are more. Instead of moving. Maybe they need to just pick up a little bit more help from your agency or from their circle of care.

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Carolina: So that’s very interesting of that. It’s not necessarily what you’re feeling in this moment. It’s also about how safe would they be in in the home if there was an emergency? And often, if there’s a spouse or a neighbor that would be able to help them. Maybe they wouldn’t need to move. I’ve never thought of it that way, Ruth.

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Carolina: So you’re already teaching me.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Well, wonderful, you know, and especially with folks with disabilities. They may be physically disabled, but cognitively they have all their decisions. They’re completely decisional. So as long as we have a means for them to get the help that I would say in the last, especially 10 years, has really improved the ability to stay in your own home for less

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Ruth Busalacchi: because of electronic monitoring.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, the equipment now has so greatly improved it in some cases can replace a human, and in some instances can give you as a daughter peace of mind, because the pendants now have, you can put it on your wrist. You can take it in the shower. You never, ever take it off. It detects a fall.

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Ruth Busalacchi: So even if someone were to go unconscious, they’re still going to get the care they need.

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Ruth Busalacchi: What’s going to happen is someone’s gonna call the 24 monitoring system. If that person doesn’t reply there, the the monitoring system is going to go down the list of who to call.

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Carolina: Right, yeah.

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Ruth Busalacchi: So I always say to families, it’s very inexpensive.

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Ruth Busalacchi: It gives you peace of mind, and you sort of operate by exception.

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Ruth Busalacchi: As long as I never get a call. Mom’s fine, you know.

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Carolina: Yeah.

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Ruth Busalacchi: So it’s really, you know, you can layer that in with.

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Ruth Busalacchi: you know, face-to-face services. So you get some eyes on a person you can help them accomplish the things that they’re at greatest risk, like getting in and out of the shower. It’s a very risky, you know, task. We can take some of the tasks off the children

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Ruth Busalacchi: that they would. They’re doing because

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Ruth Busalacchi: they’re doing it for their parents, but they’d rather not. They’d rather.

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Carolina: Yes.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Quality time with Mom and Dad. Let us clean the refrigerator. Let us put the grocery list together, you know, even if you want to do the grocery shopping. Let us do some of those little tasks right? And so it’s just finding the right layers like you said, and it ebbs and flows, and we

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Ruth Busalacchi: are trained to keep an eye on those subtle changes.

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Carolina: Yeah. And I think that that an agency that does that will be set apart from one that is simply providing hours. You know.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Right.

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Carolina: So it’s really something for agencies to aspire to. I want to get a little bit more into that kind of dynamics mediation. I know. I was a salesperson for senior living, so they’re coming for a tour. Their dad does not want to be there, and now they’re panicking and saying that my dad 24 h care.

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Carolina: And now another sibling disagrees, or one wants to get rid of the house, the other doesn’t. So I always used to say, family dynamics is my middle name, and it’s such a big part of being a caregiver. Am I right? It’s not just about being able to have the skill set of giving a bath or doing a transfer.

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Carolina: So

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Carolina: what are ways that you have found effective in dealing with? You know, mediating conflicts between adult children? When they’re worried and well intentioned. So what are some of the yeah, what comes to mind? I’m sure you have many stories. But.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, you know, I think it. It almost always is

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Ruth Busalacchi: a challenge for an adult child to recognize. It’s my role now to look out for what’s best for my mother or father.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Right we have been. If we’re all lucky, we’ve had good good parents, and they always looked out for what’s best for us right? And sometimes we might want to go do something, and they tell us, No.

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Ruth Busalacchi: you can do A, or you can do B. But you can’t do C, and that’s what you want to do right. And they’re doing that for our best interest. And so when you reach a point where Mom and Dad are more vulnerable, for whatever reason. And now it’s your responsibility to to guide them in what’s best for them.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Almost always.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Most seniors don’t want to give up independence.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, right? So that the children

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Ruth Busalacchi: often naturally start picking up extra roles right stopping by more often taking on paying the bills, whatever it might be. And so when they finally sit down with an agency and say, I think we need some care, some supportive care, the parents will often say

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Ruth Busalacchi: I I don’t. I don’t need any help, you know, and the adult child’s behind them going?

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yes, they do. They do need help, because.

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Carolina: Yeah.

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Ruth Busalacchi: I mean, you know.

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Ruth Busalacchi: 10 HA week of of care with my mother. So it’s that struggle for independence, and that that emotional challenge of the dynamic of. Now it’s my role to say, Mom, you can’t stay home all by yourself.

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Ruth Busalacchi: You do need help. So we have to make a choice, either A or B right. Either you accept help into the home.

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Ruth Busalacchi: or we have to think about. Maybe a move, you know.

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Carolina: Yeah, for sure.

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Carolina: Yeah, I that look of

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Carolina: this is not. They can’t drive, they shouldn’t, or the worst, they shouldn’t be driving. And they are. It’s a really scary. It’s a really scary one, I find often with my peer group who are not experienced as we are. We’ve seen a few scenarios and stories that guide our own experience. But I often see that there’s this almost sense of

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Carolina: manic excitement when they’re taking on that role because it’s so overwhelming, but it’s such a big responsibility, and they take it so seriously, and it comes from such a great place. But often I find that they pick up these buzzwords of like, Oh, my, my mom is 24 h care. And it’s like, Okay, let’s take a deep breath and slow down, because I think that your mom deserves to have the autonomy that she still, you know, can have and thrive in. So it’s almost like

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Carolina: your your staff and yourself and myself in these scenarios are playing truly a mediating role to say, Okay, I hear you. It’s a valid concern, but who? Let’s not rip away everything all at once. Let’s try to maintain as much as normalcy as possible. So I love that.

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Ruth Busalacchi: I love that you said that, Carolina, because it got me thinking about the calls that we get right. Cause. As you said, it’s sort of a manic. Hey? We’re in a situation. My mom needs a nurse.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, or 24, 7.

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Carolina: An Rn.

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Ruth Busalacchi: The Rn.

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Carolina: And now it’s like no toll.

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Ruth Busalacchi: It’s funny, because then we are trained. I’ve trained my staff, and we will say, Tell me what’s going on.

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Ruth Busalacchi: and once we can break down what’s going on? There’s all sorts of good news, you know. We get to say to them, well, here’s the good news. The good news is, it doesn’t sound based on what you’re telling me that they might need 24, 7 care. The other piece of that puzzle is a nurse is going to cost you about 3 or 4 times more than an actual caregiver, which is what your mom is looking for. So we can help you figure out the right plan, and it’s probably going to fit in your budget.

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Carolina: Yeah. And then they’re like, relieved. And so thankful that, okay, you’re really helping to solve problems. At the end of the at the end of the day.

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Ruth Busalacchi: Yes.

00:19:52.490 –> 00:20:14.769
Carolina: Sure, and I and I’m sure in your kind of peer group in your social community, that you’ve seen that through your life the calls to you from friends that have no idea. And you just think, my goodness, there needs to be more education. You had mentioned in our previous conversation that you were you had done like a morning show. Was this the topic of that? Was it? About care.

00:20:15.000 –> 00:20:25.110
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah. So again, part of my business mission statement is to educate my community about the options available. And so I have chosen to have a very heavy

00:20:25.750 –> 00:20:49.689
Ruth Busalacchi: education resource, and so, probably 2, 3 times a month, I’m out there in communities educating them about all the different options, and then usually once a month. I’m on a local show called The Morning Blend, and I’ve been on that show once a month for probably 6 years now, so they have given me a designation of their senior care expert, which I appreciate.

00:20:49.980 –> 00:20:51.340
Carolina: Yeah, that.

00:20:51.340 –> 00:20:51.960
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, and.

00:20:51.960 –> 00:20:55.700
Carolina: People are getting ready for work, and you’re telling them, wow, yeah.

00:20:55.940 –> 00:20:56.720
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, and it’s.

00:20:56.720 –> 00:20:57.100
Carolina: Right.

00:20:57.100 –> 00:21:02.919
Ruth Busalacchi: Funny because it’s played in the morning, and it’s played at noon, and I’ve noticed

00:21:03.150 –> 00:21:06.769
Ruth Busalacchi: the morning is usually the person who might need my service.

00:21:07.420 –> 00:21:27.309
Ruth Busalacchi: And the noon hours almost always the decision maker, the adult child. We get more calls from the noon show because it’s the adult children who say, Oh, I think this is something mom should look into. But yeah, it really. What I have learned over the last couple of years, and what I’ve noticed is a trend from

00:21:27.510 –> 00:21:33.929
Ruth Busalacchi: well-meaning adult children who are starting to think moving is inevitable.

00:21:34.740 –> 00:21:38.979
Ruth Busalacchi: Eventually Mom is going to have to leave home, and

00:21:39.140 –> 00:21:54.390
Ruth Busalacchi: I feel so passionate about that, because I used to open and license group living. I have respect for every level of care. There is a purpose for skilled nursing. There’s a purpose for group living, and there’s a purpose for living in your own home.

00:21:54.540 –> 00:22:01.929
Ruth Busalacchi: and what we still see pretty steady is the stats are almost 90% of seniors would prefer to live in their own home.

00:22:02.530 –> 00:22:03.230
Carolina: Yes.

00:22:03.230 –> 00:22:22.670
Ruth Busalacchi: Right. So how do we help them do that, and allay the fears of their children, or help their children? Understand how to do that, you know. How does Mom stay in her own home? If she needs a nurse, how does Mom stay in her own home if she needs supervision? How can we afford it all of that? That’s

00:22:23.090 –> 00:22:28.340
Ruth Busalacchi: you. Only know those things. If you sit down and talk with us, and especially with my office, that’s our goal.

00:22:28.760 –> 00:22:37.189
Ruth Busalacchi: Let’s talk about everything else before we talk about our services, because there might be funding, you know we you might have

00:22:37.350 –> 00:22:42.190
Ruth Busalacchi: an opportunity to provide support to your mother to live in her own home.

00:22:42.930 –> 00:22:47.359
Ruth Busalacchi: and if she has memory issues, she’s in a better place in her own home

00:22:47.480 –> 00:22:50.629
Ruth Busalacchi: than she would be to move to a brand new environment.

00:22:51.900 –> 00:22:59.220
Carolina: So that makes me, think of another question that I had for you. And that’s the words risk.

00:22:59.400 –> 00:23:14.429
Carolina: and also like emotional benefit of stability. So that is also a tug of war, isn’t it? Because when you’re thinking about somebody living in their own home, you might just think risk risk. But then, I mean, we’ve seen it 1st day in a new community.

00:23:14.560 –> 00:23:20.319
Carolina: and they have modest cognitive decline. And now they’re wandering.

00:23:20.530 –> 00:23:38.529
Carolina: So the the solution of like, I want to take the risk out to move them, and that assumption of moving them does not necessarily take away the risk, and sometimes there could be an emotional decline because of it. So whether it’s how you advise families or how you assess, would you say that there is

00:23:38.780 –> 00:23:49.499
Carolina: a a part of mediating families and negotiating what the next step is, is accepting some risk, and then also looking at what they want and what the emotional benefit of a decision would be.

00:23:51.040 –> 00:23:59.340
Ruth Busalacchi: Absolutely thank you so much for bringing that up. It really makes me think about. You know, the 1st half of my career when I spent so much time working with people with disabilities.

00:24:00.040 –> 00:24:25.969
Ruth Busalacchi: understanding what their disability is, but, more importantly, what their abilities are. We all live a life with a level of risk. If you are decisional, you’re accepting a level of risk right? And so just having a chronic health condition as a senior that makes you frail doesn’t remove all your all your choices. Right? So we all want to live with that element of risk. And that’s really how we weigh it.

00:24:26.760 –> 00:24:32.340
Ruth Busalacchi: If you have the appropriate care and supervision in your own home truthfully.

00:24:32.490 –> 00:24:45.679
Ruth Busalacchi: and it’s not a judgment of one or the other, but truthfully. You’re reducing your risks at home because you’re one to one, right, one caregiver to one person. So you’re reducing that risk greatly

00:24:45.820 –> 00:24:49.410
Ruth Busalacchi: moving into a community where they have staff

00:24:49.730 –> 00:24:54.700
Ruth Busalacchi: 24, 7 even doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s going to have their eyes on your mom.

00:24:55.400 –> 00:24:56.420
Carolina: No.

00:24:56.420 –> 00:25:04.640
Ruth Busalacchi: And you know this from experience. Too often families will move their their loved one into a community, and that’s still not enough. So then they have to hire us on top.

00:25:05.385 –> 00:25:06.130
Carolina: Right.

00:25:06.130 –> 00:25:10.359
Ruth Busalacchi: We’re the second layer, so we always say, try it 1st

00:25:10.470 –> 00:25:13.059
Ruth Busalacchi: at home. Let’s assess what risks

00:25:13.300 –> 00:25:20.819
Ruth Busalacchi: there are and what you’re willing to do, and that’s going to determine the schedule. Sometimes it’s continuous care, but it doesn’t always have to be.

00:25:21.100 –> 00:25:29.329
Ruth Busalacchi: Sometimes it can be looped in with family who want to be part of that as well. So it’s really weighing. What is

00:25:29.740 –> 00:25:33.830
Ruth Busalacchi: a conservative risk? Right? Does that mean and call and quality.

00:25:35.340 –> 00:25:43.739
Carolina: Quality of life as well. Right, I think, even to my daughter, like she just has a different sensibility even than her friends, like her best friend is very risk averse.

00:25:43.860 –> 00:26:00.970
Carolina: My daughter is just kind of a risk taker, so we’ve almost decided like, let’s let her do the monkey bars at this age, even though it’s everyone’s kind of looking. And so you’re right. If you’re living in an intentional life, you are going to be accepting some risk. We do that from the time our children are very small, and that doesn’t change. So

00:26:01.180 –> 00:26:14.759
Carolina: I love that. And it also, you know that that assumption about every time, like somebody without the education. They haven’t listened to the morning blend. They don’t know yet, but they may assume that.

00:26:14.900 –> 00:26:37.299
Carolina: Okay, moving my mom to a B or C community will be the answer to my problems. But it is a scale, it is a spectrum. And, as you know, if it’s an independent living facility. There is no help included. You’re lucky if you have a couple of meals included, in fact, and you may. They may even need to continue to make their own breakfast

00:26:37.330 –> 00:26:50.139
Carolina: and find their way to things. So I think it’s also you’re right educating them on all the options, but not necessarily jumping to that conclusion, because it could be so disruptive to the life that they know, and the home that they know.

00:26:50.640 –> 00:26:52.160
Ruth Busalacchi: This is the truth. This is.

00:26:52.160 –> 00:26:52.970
Carolina: Yeah.

00:26:52.970 –> 00:27:04.379
Ruth Busalacchi: And I have noticed, and this is not, you know, hard data. But I’ve just noticed over these last 15 years when families start calling that they need that support.

00:27:05.490 –> 00:27:21.769
Ruth Busalacchi: On average, we’re looking out maybe 3 years, maybe 4 years of of family, you know your loved one needing that level of support. Of course there are those outliers. And but you know, when you think about it that way, because families are trying to guess

00:27:21.920 –> 00:27:31.730
Ruth Busalacchi: right, what does the future look like realistically, they’re they’re really trying to say, does Mom or dad have enough finance to manage

00:27:32.100 –> 00:27:36.340
Ruth Busalacchi: care and support? I mean, that’s the bottom line right? And that’s what I see. So

00:27:36.550 –> 00:27:45.919
Ruth Busalacchi: you know, we’ve made it really intentional to try to make sure that it that care and supervision fits within a budget to make sure that they understand that

00:27:46.130 –> 00:27:51.589
Ruth Busalacchi: 28 HA week is what is the maximum that you can get in an assisted living?

00:27:51.960 –> 00:27:58.889
Ruth Busalacchi: And it’s not, you know, eyes on at all times. So we can actually do that for less.

00:27:59.390 –> 00:28:02.150
Carolina: Yeah, you know, and less disruption. Yeah, and.

00:28:02.150 –> 00:28:13.730
Ruth Busalacchi: Less disruption. And then, if you decide, I want more care. You’re making a purposeful choice. It doesn’t mean that because it costs more. You want to move, it just means it’s 1 of the options right?

00:28:13.730 –> 00:28:14.880
Carolina: Yeah, for sure.

00:28:14.880 –> 00:28:15.819
Ruth Busalacchi: So, yeah.

00:28:15.820 –> 00:28:40.220
Carolina: So when I think about also this tug and war, and the ways that our caregivers and our staff and ourselves, how we can assist in that tug of war, and and maybe bring some 3rd party sensibility to it, advising, I do think, of the complex circles of care. So if only these conversations were with one stubborn adult daughter. But often there’s many players here.

00:28:40.220 –> 00:28:49.090
Carolina: and whether you’re at home, or whether you you transition to a community, would you agree with me in saying that circle of care still continues to be

00:28:49.090 –> 00:29:10.002
Carolina: a major part of that ecosystem that’s so important. So when you look at your experiences. Is there any? Maybe it’s something that’s an indication of a circle of care that really works, or something to avoid, you know, as a group, because there’s so many opinions, interests, sensibilities, and it can be so complex. What what do you have to say about that aspect of it?

00:29:10.310 –> 00:29:12.718
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, it’s a very practical

00:29:13.440 –> 00:29:16.040
Ruth Busalacchi: tip. But what we have said to families

00:29:16.160 –> 00:29:33.460
Ruth Busalacchi: when you know when they say, well, we’re going to schedule our time at 4 o’clock on a Thursday, because we want all of the siblings to attend. You know your alarms sort of go off and go all right. Here we go. This is going to be interesting, right? And so, really, what we suggest is, assign one person to be our contact.

00:29:33.460 –> 00:29:50.820
Ruth Busalacchi: and let that person disseminate the information of we’re not discouraging anyone from calling, but just just to be practical and to have clear communication, you know, and oftentimes with with adult children. Even an email is a simple thing to

00:29:50.990 –> 00:30:00.770
Ruth Busalacchi: send out, because it’s in black and white, and they may be driving, and then they have time to go back and look at it, and then they can, you know, pass it on to everybody else, you know.

00:30:01.190 –> 00:30:10.289
Carolina: Yeah, I think that’s practical advice with every type of, and I don’t want to call it a project. But I think of like care smarts is a, is a technology tool.

00:30:10.290 –> 00:30:10.670
Ruth Busalacchi: Right.

00:30:10.670 –> 00:30:16.309
Carolina: And when you’ve got 4 people from an agency reaching out asking the same question.

00:30:16.510 –> 00:30:31.920
Carolina: and each of them may be even searching for a different answer. That’s why it’s always like who’s going to be the champion. Not that everyone won’t have a stake in it, but it’s almost like that advocate that streamlines, and it makes sense for anything. So of course, that would make. That’s great advice, for for this type of.

00:30:32.050 –> 00:30:46.776
Carolina: and especially with a busy, you know the busy schedules today, and all of the things that that are in the day. If you can take on that role, then then that would be then that would streamline it so I love that I guess to end I would love you mentioned

00:30:47.640 –> 00:31:16.489
Carolina: the show that you are on that people call in, and there’s a demand for it, as well as committing yourself to go out and be in the community to educate. So what are some of the resources in your area that you would recommend to those caregivers, or even those seniors that are starting to experience changes so that they can start to educate themselves and empower themselves, to be able to have a stake in their own decisions. What are some resources? You would.

00:31:16.490 –> 00:31:21.630
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, the 1st thing that I always think about is home health services.

00:31:21.780 –> 00:31:34.729
Ruth Busalacchi: So we sometimes have to explain the difference. Home health means health insurance means usually medicare, and often when someone has a change of condition, even if they’re in our services, they could qualify for some home.

00:31:34.730 –> 00:31:35.230
Carolina: As well.

00:31:35.230 –> 00:31:57.489
Ruth Busalacchi: Right nursing physical therapy, all of that. And so we want to be sure to remind our families. Let’s bring home health back in. This is a tool that’s free because it’s covered under your insurance or at a minimal cost for copays. And it’s helping reinforce even to our caregivers. What the change and the new way of doing things. So first, st home health.

00:31:57.790 –> 00:32:06.000
Ruth Busalacchi: The second thing we always want to look at is, does the person have other benefits that they qualify for, like long-term care, insurance

00:32:06.130 –> 00:32:35.119
Ruth Busalacchi: to help pay for our services? Do they qualify for veterans benefits, whether it’s a veteran or the surviving spouse of a veteran. Are there grants in your community that you qualify for because you are providing care and respite? Grants are really big across the country. So so those are the things that we look at for funding. Because I just really want to help people stretch their dollar. And again, with the electronic monitoring. Can we layer in some electronic monitoring?

00:32:35.550 –> 00:32:40.110
Ruth Busalacchi: The other thing that we see in our community is private case management.

00:32:41.070 –> 00:32:50.109
Ruth Busalacchi: and and just like hiring? An attorney who specializes in estate planning is a small investment, but well worth it.

00:32:50.490 –> 00:33:09.279
Ruth Busalacchi: The same thing with private case management. It may be a small investment for their family, but they’re going to get down to the needs that your family member has. That family isn’t equipped to do. Synergy is not equipped to do, and they can get right down to it, you know, and be efficient. That’s a good use of

00:33:09.550 –> 00:33:10.440
Ruth Busalacchi: your funds.

00:33:10.440 –> 00:33:11.339
Carolina: Dollars, dollars.

00:33:11.340 –> 00:33:11.860
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, absolutely.

00:33:11.860 –> 00:33:31.130
Carolina: Absolutely. And I think of, like, you know, all the different skill sets that we all carry with us, and sometimes we have these blind spots that only years of experience can give you. I know we’re probably the same when we’re in a home roof, you look around and you and I know, okay, yeah, like, I’m seeing the garbage is empty.

00:33:32.020 –> 00:33:38.740
Carolina: This frozen food in the fridge piles and piles and piles of unopened Tupperware clothes are smelling.

00:33:38.960 –> 00:33:58.500
Carolina: And these are things that that we are trained, I and that of your staff can see. So it’s almost like recognizing the Blind Spot that we may have, not because we we lack intelligence, but because, hey, I don’t know how to fix a dishwasher. Right? You know I don’t know what’s wrong with the car. The code comes off, and I’m just like somebody. Please help me.

00:33:58.500 –> 00:33:59.200
Ruth Busalacchi: Exactly.

00:33:59.200 –> 00:34:10.610
Carolina: And and so I’m the type of person that you know, a car and auto shop could take advantage of, because I don’t know. And so it’s really putting yourself in a position to be more empowered. So I love that idea so.

00:34:10.929 –> 00:34:16.389
Carolina: And I think that’s a growing field. Would you agree, Ruth, that there’s more private case management. Yeah.

00:34:16.690 –> 00:34:46.470
Ruth Busalacchi: I agree, private nursing and private case management. When you’re in the hospital, when you’re in a rehab, you have that social service aspect, and that goes away, you know, after even after home health, they usually have a layer of that. So you know, and you got me thinking about extreme weather during extreme heat and extreme cold. It’s so important to have a second set of eyes. They may. Our caregivers see things like, you know, you may be over the phone trying to explain to your mother, what does the thermostat say

00:34:50.580 –> 00:35:01.110
Ruth Busalacchi: they are? You know you want someone to go into the home and say, Oh, my gosh! This house! Or frankly, some of our clients are very thrifty, and they don’t want to turn the air on

00:35:01.220 –> 00:35:01.780
Ruth Busalacchi: right.

00:35:01.780 –> 00:35:02.620
Carolina: Yes.

00:35:02.870 –> 00:35:09.670
Ruth Busalacchi: And they don’t recognize how dangerously hot their home is. Or you know they have memory issues, and they’ve forgotten.

00:35:09.780 –> 00:35:16.670
Ruth Busalacchi: Did I drink a glass of water. Did I take my meds? You know that extra layer.

00:35:17.250 –> 00:35:17.630
Carolina: Yeah.

00:35:17.630 –> 00:35:19.099
Ruth Busalacchi: Really be lifesaving.

00:35:19.760 –> 00:35:37.739
Carolina: And it really, if you really think about it, to those that are listening that are family members, I mean, I forget to drink water all the time, but the consequences are not as detrimental to me because I don’t have those underlying. Maybe you know, underlying issues, but also just those that come with age. So

00:35:38.080 –> 00:35:51.070
Carolina: I and I’m sure when I describe this to my friends who are not from healthcare. And I say, you know, sometimes when somebody’s agitated, it gets a uti, or they haven’t gone to the bathroom in a while, and people don’t realize that. So

00:35:51.440 –> 00:36:01.760
Carolina: I want to end by talking to a little bit about family members who are trying their best to advocate Super remotely. So you’ve got a daughter who’s out of the country.

00:36:02.220 –> 00:36:11.430
Carolina: So when you see those situations. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I think that they’re almost, in my experience, more in a rush to

00:36:11.620 –> 00:36:22.209
Carolina: take their loved one, and move them somewhere where they believe that those eyes are going to be on them. So what are some of the solutions that you’ve come up with with somebody who really just wants to be present, but can’t be.

00:36:23.000 –> 00:36:24.120
Carolina: They live far.

00:36:24.630 –> 00:36:33.390
Ruth Busalacchi: Yeah, I think that we as a team have to recognize that family’s situation. How can we sort of be a concierge?

00:36:33.600 –> 00:36:39.059
Ruth Busalacchi: Right? Yeah. If if it’s, you know they can’t deal remotely with the house.

00:36:39.190 –> 00:37:06.299
Ruth Busalacchi: You know the furnace going down. We need to have resources for them, and we need to educate our caregivers, to be alert to those types of things, repairs around the house so that we can call the daughter and say, You know, it looks like you’re the guy who does your lawn. He hasn’t come by for a couple of weeks, but we’ve got a couple of names. Would you like them, you know, how can we make it easier for them and give them some solutions like a concierge? Right? Yeah.

00:37:06.330 –> 00:37:14.639
Ruth Busalacchi: And and I always say to the adult children, whether they live remotely or whether they live at home. There are things that you can do

00:37:15.160 –> 00:37:18.669
Ruth Busalacchi: for your parents, and there are things that you should do.

00:37:19.820 –> 00:37:26.910
Ruth Busalacchi: Even the the spouse. Can you take care of your loved 1, 24, 7. Yes, should you.

00:37:27.070 –> 00:37:28.240
Carolina: Yeah.

00:37:28.360 –> 00:37:32.139
Ruth Busalacchi: You and I both had experience, and I had experience with my parents.

00:37:32.360 –> 00:37:42.799
Ruth Busalacchi: Sometimes I would go to my mother and father’s house and clean their toilets, because I knew my mom didn’t have time right, and one time I did that, and she was literally standing behind me.

00:37:43.080 –> 00:37:50.000
Ruth Busalacchi: I’ll never forget this, and I was on my hands and knees cleaning the toilet, and she was standing behind me because she just wanted to talk to her daughter.

00:37:50.826 –> 00:37:51.820
Carolina: Oh, yeah.

00:37:51.820 –> 00:37:55.019
Ruth Busalacchi: Was so powerful to me, and I thought, I can hire people

00:37:55.270 –> 00:37:58.190
Ruth Busalacchi: to take care of my mom’s bathrooms, you know.

00:37:58.650 –> 00:37:58.990
Carolina: Yeah.

00:37:58.990 –> 00:37:59.960
Ruth Busalacchi: Ruth.

00:38:00.850 –> 00:38:01.200
Carolina: Yeah.

00:38:01.200 –> 00:38:04.500
Ruth Busalacchi: Time with me, so it’s the can I? And should I.

00:38:05.090 –> 00:38:26.210
Carolina: I love that. I want everyone to walk away thinking about the can. I? Should I? Probably something that we should think about a lot in life. But today’s you have me tearing up there. Yeah, well, I so appreciate your time. Bless you and your agency, everybody. Please keep an eye out for synergy home care of southeast Wisconsin. As well as was it. The morning blend.

00:38:26.210 –> 00:38:27.000
Ruth Busalacchi: Yes.

00:38:27.000 –> 00:38:28.280
Carolina: Yeah, some organs.

00:38:28.280 –> 00:38:30.300
Ruth Busalacchi: Atmj. 4.

00:38:30.300 –> 00:38:40.079
Carolina: Absolutely for a resource. And I’m sure we’ll be hearing more from you, Ruth. I thank you for your time for your expertise and all of the ways that your agency serve your community. We appreciate you.

00:38:40.390 –> 00:38:41.480
Ruth Busalacchi: It was a pleasure.

00:38:41.890 –> 00:38:46.880
Carolina: Thank you. Alright. I’m just going to pause.

Conclusion

Carolina: Thank you again to Ruth Busalacchi for sharing your expertise and your experience, and to our audience, for, as always, tuning in until next time, my name is Carolina Gonzaga, signing off from CareSmartz360 On Air.